Nolan Wells Is Our Son

What Nolan Wells’s death stirs in Black parents, families, and communities.

The Essay

Nolan Wells is our son.

I recognize Nolan because he is the kind of child Black parents work hard to raise. We teach our children to be kind and respectful. We choose schools, activities, and communities we hope will help them move through the world with confidence.

What stays with me is the thought of a child not coming home.

As children grow, their friends enter parts of their lives parents can no longer fully see. That is why we pay attention to the people they spend time with. Experience teaches us to notice when someone may not have our child’s best interests at heart.

Richard and Lynda Vaughn raised me with a rule I later passed on to Khalil: You leave with the people you arrived with.That rule was about more than getting home. It meant looking out for the people you were with and never leaving someone behind.

That is why I keep thinking about the people who were with Nolan. Friendship should come with responsibility, yet there is still no clear account of what happened before he failed to return from the boat trip.

The silence feels familiar. We have seen Black people murdered while with non-Black peers, yet those who were there often say little while the family waits for answers.

While the investigation moved slowly, a public narrative began taking shape. Official information remained limited, but social media filled with witness accounts, partial details, and speculation. In the absence of clear facts, people began deciding what had or had not happened.

Nolan’s mother said she did not want to believe race was involved. I understand why she said that. I also understand, as a Black woman in America, why the question is difficult to dismiss. We have seen concerns minimized, silence overlooked, and Black families expected to wait quietly while others shape the story.

That does not mean we know exactly what happened to Nolan. It means history shapes the questions we ask.

Following those questions can become exhausting. I limit my time on social media and avoid late night news. I prefer the evening news because it gives me what I need without allowing the story to follow me into the night.

Still, I do not want the questions surrounding Nolan’s death to become the only thing we remember about him. His family described him as a sweet soul and said knowing him as a friend was something special. He was a son, a brother, an athlete, and a young man with plans for his life.

The Conversation

I wanted to understand what repeated stories like Nolan’s can do to us, so I reached out to my sister, Kymberly Daniels, a grief facilitator.

Kymberly explained that we do not have to know someone personally to feel the loss of their life. Repeated exposure to Black deaths can leave us emotionally drained and physically on guard.

For Black parents, that fear can turn into constant vigilance. We may begin to see danger in every person and every place, believing that protection requires us to anticipate every possible threat.

Kymberly advises us to decide how much information we need and what we can realistically do with it. As she reminded me, we cannot save the world.

Grief does not always look like sadness. It may appear as irritability, withdrawal, or difficulty concentrating. Her point was simple. Do not dismiss what you are feeling just because it does not look like grief.

The Edit

Ongoing support can begin with conversation. Talk with the people you trust, make space for honest discussions in your social circles, and seek professional support when the weight becomes difficult to manage.

There are many books that can help us understand racial grief and emotional care. Here are five to consider:

Grieving While Black by Breeshia Wade
Examines grief through racism, oppression, and collective loss.

Living While Black by Guilaine Kinouani
Offers practical ways to address racial trauma while protecting connection and joy.

My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
Explores how racial trauma affects the body and offers practices for healing.

Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Reframes rest as necessary care in a culture that expects constant endurance.

The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health by Dr. Rheeda Walker
Provides guidance for managing racial stress and protecting emotional health.

randmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
Explores how racial trauma affects the body and offers practices for healing.

Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Reframes rest as necessary care in a culture that expects constant endurance.

The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health by Dr. Rheeda Walker
Provides guidance for managing racial stress and protecting emotional health.

The goal is not to carry every story alone. It is to recognize what the story has stirred in us and decide what support we need.

What helps you care for yourself when the news feels personal?

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